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Haiku Series One_Haikuathon by *Phoneix-Faerie:iconPhoneix-Faerie:



1.
balloon deflating
the memories of last summer
drift away

2.
air rich with chimes
flowers rest
upon the bench

3.
peace at last
taking time to read
the gravestones

-HAIKUATHON-

1.
ice cream melts
in the summer sun -
so do I

2.
stifling heat
dries my mouth
and my pen

3.
"defying gravity..."
we crane in our seats to see
the singer

4.
fourth July
fireworks of freedom
scare the dog

5.
scorched earth
broken heart yearns
for ice cream

6.
flicking between
hentai and Socrates
the examined life

7.
enigma
deciphering the code
behind your smile

8.
words
pouring like blood
from the heart

9.
thirteen today
my baby sister
looks so grown up

10.
watching television
a meteor shower -
outside

11.
boxcar numbers
passenger
does Sudoku

12.
Always
Revealing
Truth

13.
ending –
life engulfed
by flame

14.
hiding from
the storm
soldiers break rank

15.
sun rises
wind blows
leaves fall

16.
14/f/NY
he lies
in wait

17.
black and white
harmony
our hands on keys

18.
caught in the act
the boy freezes
in the spotlight

19.
over time
hurt just fades
love grows stronger

20.
in the dark
bulbs of light
begin to grow

21.
voices raised
an accident becomes
an argument

22.
spark
flame
ash

23.
in the bushes
glow worms
glow

24.
idyllic summer
in the water play
jellyfish

25.
majestic seagulls
soar and
poo

26.
buckets down
on the beach
sandcastles

27.
cliff edge
he pauses
and steps away

28.
golden leaves
fall
falls

29.
shimmering sea
shining sun
sandy sandwiches

30.
recycling leaflets -
reused paper
clogs the drains

31.
the silent dusk
peace shattered
by crickets' chirps

32.
June's dusk
fades to
August dawn

33.
cut off
from sunshine
dust gathers
:iconphoneix-faerie:

Author's Comments

Decided that as my exams are now finishing, I should start trying to work on haiku! This was greatly helped by ~SOLARTS piece about Haiku theory at [link] I'm really trying to improve with this form, and if anyone has any advice or suggestions, I would really appreciate it.

I edited number 3 from "taking the chance to read" to "taking time to read", thanks to the suggestion of ~SOLARTS and *Mahi-Fish

This is now my haikuathon

It wasn't originally going to be, but I am now adding to it. This means I will be updating every day until the end of the month. Don't feel you need to comment each time. Sorry for the constant updates! I will say when its finished!

Notes on Haikuathon Haiku:

1. Sorry for the slight procrastination! It’s so warm I think I’m melting. (Dash moved thanks to the suggestion of ~SOLARTS )
2. As it's so warm I am suffering from a lack of inspiration - my pen has dried up.
3. Going to see the musical Wicked tonight. Defying Gravity is one of the main songs in it and it is a great show – this wasn't a very good haiku though. (This has now been majorly improved thanks to the help of ~SOLARTS)
4. A special celebratory haiku for my American friends. XD(Do you miss us?) Remember to keep pets away from loud scary noises XP
5. Breakups in summer. Ice cream is useful for keeping cool Removed the "her" at the advice of =Anavah
6. I blame number five from ~SOLARTS Haikuathon - [link] (Of course, in an entirely good way) Another one that I am not very happy with, and I might remove it later.
7. After my visit to Bletchley Park (Code breakers during WWII) today, this seemed fitting.
8. No comments for this one!
9. Happy birthday honey! You've grown up so much, but you'll always be my little baby!
10. Sometimes it can be so hard to see the world outside of our technology. Other version:
watching the television
a meteor shower
outside
Which do you like better?(Improved thanks to =rlkirkland and ~SOLARTS )
11. No comments this time, only is "does Sudoku" the correct terminology? (Improved by =Anavah)
12. Okay, this one isn't a proper haiku, but I put it up anyway. The first letter of each line reads "ART", and behind each piece of art there is truth. Hope that makes sense!
13. No comments again!
14. Despite all the power of war, we're still no match for nature.
15. There's no comment to this, as all I could think of involved singing "It's the circle of life..." and no one wants to be exposed to that on a Thursday morning!
16. You never know who you're talking to online. (changed from and waits)
17. Multicultural romance, the deal to a new house, or a piano.
18. No comments
19. Reply to :devMahi-Fish's journal
20. Written during a power cut - sorry for the delay, I currently have 3 hours of power, then 6 hours without.
21. I've lost count of how many times this has happened.
22. Just focusing in on a candle flame.
23. I wanted to try some work on repetition, I hope it's alright.
24. No comments
25. Nature can be beautiful. It can also be very annoying.
26. Buckets are frequently used to describe heavy rain, so the image of a British summer. (As pointed out by =rlkirkland, also wet sand)
27. Written whilst coasteering (writing haiku whilst jumping off rocks isn't easy!). Not sure if the person of this steps away from the cliff edge, or over it.
28. No comments
29. There is one problem with the beach!
30. Environmentalism
31. A more peaceful image than initially seems
32. The end of the haikuathon
33. I’ll miss writing this every day

Critiques


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Comments


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:icontimidemerald:
aww, I really like the last one. ^^ Really pretty, and they have a very peaceful feeling to them.

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:iconphoneix-faerie:
thank you very much :D

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:icontami6677:
=] very lovely hun~

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:iconphoneix-faerie:
thank you hunni!

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:iconlaurence55:
Hey Jenni, you are getting much better with your juxtaposition! Your first piece especially is a good example of what I call "close" juxtaposition; meaning that the images echo one another. In the first poem, There is a deep sense of things that cannot last. The second piece just has a great sense of karumi. I also like the juxtaposition of "scent" vs. "sound." Lovely work!
:icontimidemerald:
you're welcome! ^^

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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Thank you very much for your review, I always appreciate them! thank you again. Im glad you think i'm getting better :) I'm very sorry to sound stupid, but what is karumi?

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:iconlaurence55:
No need to apologize! Karumi is a concept founded by Bashô while he was teaching his students. It refers to "lightness" or a display of simple beauty. Many of his students were unable to understand the concept.
:iconphoneix-faerie:
oh ok, thank you for the explanation :D

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June 15
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